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I was reading and this phrase on a community post caught my attention:

If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.

i think that encompasses what i feel and the reason how i act like i do everytime khidir and i go through bad patches.

i think it is no mean feat that we are together and as still in love as we are. The two of us are as different as night and day. Although we might like a whole bunch of similar things, our personal favourites, mannerisms, upbringing, and outlook in life can sometimes be so different it gets difficult to get along.

the middle of the week was a bad one for us, because both of us were so stressed out at work and although we knew we shouldnapos;t bring it into our relationship, it couldnapos;t be helped. Our patience was badly fraying and a simple misunderstanding and a misinterpreted tone of voice led to arguments about not appreciating each other. I blamed him, he blamed me. Both at fault, but as usual both unwilling to back down at first.

and because he and me, we manage our .. So-called anger/frustration/stress/irritation/etc in different ways, our fights always have a certain constant timeline. Khidir is like a fighting cock, or a pitbull. When heapos;s angry he growls, stalks around, and when he bites it hurts. The angrier he is, the longer his apos;dissipationapos; of anger takes. And practically anything can turn him the wrong way, something i forgot to do, or did that he doesnapos;t like, etc.

i am more like.. Well i canapos;t think of an animal to substitute my type of anger, so er.. K, more like a glass bottle stoppered with a cork, filling up all the anger till its beyond its compressed, saturated capacity, and once after a certain point, i blow up? meaning iapos;m the slower of the two to become angry, because i tend to keep everything in, thinking that it is not worth the effort to fuss and fight, and repeat that until, comes a day when he really, really pisses me off. And while my patience threshold is quite huge for him already, when i canapos;t take it, then i really canapos;t take it no more. Thatapos;s when the singular battles become a full-out war.

some people break up, or start hating each other after going through this over and over again.(i see him almost every day, by the way) some get bored. Some asked me how i can stand it. How i stand it? i donapos;t stand it.

If you accept the pain, it cannot hurt you.

right? we go through what we must, because we are two different people and will always be, no matter how much we cater to each otherapos;s wants and needs, no matter how we change to become one, because that is what we are, two sides of the same coin. Two complete pictures (you tails, me head ok :P). I think after all the time passed, one of the things i learned was to accept that there will always be pain, and accept the pain, and yes, even though it might seem so tiring, and bits of time where you are still so angry you cannot function, time will always help to cool us down.. And thankfully, help us use the argument just past as a lesson to mark another milestone in our relationship. (i must have 10,000 milestones by now)

khidirapos;s aunts said "korang dua jodoh kuat". At first i thought they very the macam paham, but after our recent fight, i do understand why they said that. Khidir is seriously the only guy whom i have apos;toleratedapos;. Sure, my ex-es, i tried to be good to them, but usually after a number of fights.. In the end aku tak heran. I left them, left them to be, whatever. I, however, cannot seem to leave this boy alone.
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